This week had the potential to take me down, it almost did and yet here I am - still standing and for my own mental health I am using this particular post to remind myself that sometimes cunts are fucked...
After 2 years living together and 3 together, Old Mate declared that I was "just a root", he understands why my ex hit me and he doesn't need the little ones calling him to say goodnight.
On the dark days when my heart starts to ache I want to remember that: The clothes he wears (socks, undies, shorts, shirts) - I bought. The job he and his bud have - I got for him. When he blew a fuse (multiple times) at his employment agency - I smoothed it over. When his mother gets sick - I take her to to the doctors, call the ambulance, spend hours waiting for prescriptions. It was me who did his washing, squeezed his pimples and dug out his ingrown hairs (even though these two things super grossed me out). I've spent hundreds of dollars on cigarettes, even though I don't smoke. I've paid for RC cars, collected shit from Supa Cheap and delivered them to him at work. It was tax time when he wanted a motorbike, he didn't have the money but if I loaned it to him he'd get his tax sorted and I'd have the money back so I used a chunk of my own tax money to pay for not just the bike but to put petrol in his niece's ute as that was required to move the bike to our home and then his own wagon (which I drove home) needed petrol as well. Almost two years later, I'm still waiting on the return of that money. Honestly, the list is endless.
I was just a root...
He called and text me several times a day for hours on end before we even discussed sex - niether of us was sure.
I was just a root...
I bought my Superhero an Xbox and being technologically retarded I had no clue that the original console was obsolete, I couldn't find games anywhere. That night was the first time we met in person, he drove all the way down to my home to drop off a "couple" of games (there was 22). We were together for not even 5 minutes, he had his mate with him and he needed to go. Less than an hour later he rang, we talked for hours.
I was just a root...
My naughty 2 yr old climbed onto the kitchen bench whilst I was on the toilet, he grabbed the multipurpose spray and showered his baby sister. She was 6 mths old, it caused her eyes to glue closed and she was in tremendous pain. He frequently text to make sure we were ok and offered to come to the hospital. That night as we talked for hours I repeated how frightened I had been. Around 3am he suggested I let him in my gate. He had driven down with a movie I'd been wanting to watch. We "mucked around" (no sex) and the little ones eventually woke up. He chatted with The Slayer and tickled The Birthday Thief. On his way home he rang, we talked for hours.
I was just a root...
The next time I saw him was again at sparrow's fart. I had difficulty weaning baby girl, she was vicious and breastfeeding had become a painful experience - I tried many things but ultimately she was to begin daycare. I was nervous and felt sick, my little baby - how could I dessert her so soon? He showed up at almost 4:30am, we napped together until the kids woke then he insisted on coming to daycare drop-off. When I returned, in tears, to my car he took my car keys and drove me home. He spent the entire day with me then came to daycare pick-up.
I was just a root...
When my new/old car completely shit itself and my friend, Sal, came to collect us I had my first alcoholic drinks since before I was pregnant with The Slayer. I was distraught, I honestly believe a reliable car is a single mum's necessity. I was 2 bottles of moscato down before I realised Sneaky Sal wasn't drinking at all. She had decided she was having the little ones overnight. Old Mate drove down to collect me so I could spend the night at his house. By the time he arrived I was the otherside of drunk, I threw up in his car. I threw up at his friend's house. I threw up at his house. Not once did he grumble or make me feel bad, not even when I threw up on him. In fact the next morning he drove me to Newcastle and helped me buy another car.
I was just a root...
For the Birthday Thief's first birthday she and I were both sick with the flu. I had brought her one of those little tykes car things and really wanted it to be together when she woke up. Being a sick single mum is difficult, I was determined. I baked her a cake and that drained my energy, by the time I got to the car I was an emotional wreck. A friend promised to bring tools but didn't show up. Old Mate and I talked on the phone. I was teary. I fell asleep on the lounge. At 2am on my 35th birthday I awoke to my hair being ruffled, I opened my eyes and he was standing there. He had come down to put the car together before babygirl got up, he'd stopped to get me a big can of V on his way. He put the car together and left.
I was just a root...
The night of our birthday he returned with another movie I wanted to watch, one he really didn't want to watch - Sharknado. We lay on the lounge together.
I was just a root...
When my eldest graduated 6th grade he came with me to the ceremony because my ex was being difficult - being amongst a mass of people is not something Old Mate deals with well.
I was just a root...
During these 3 years we went to see; TOFOP, Wil Anderson twice, The Dollop three times, Dave Anthony and Ben Harper and were pierced by Joeltron - being amongst a mass of people is not something Old Mate deals with well.
I was just a root...
When my "mother" tried to cause me drama he stepped in so that I wouldn't have to go anywhere near her.
I was just a root...
When my Pop passed away he drove me to the funeral and sat through the service even though he hadn't met that part of my family.
I was just a root...
When I was violently ill with the rotovirus he cleaned up my puke, helped me shower and cooked my babes dinner. When I lost my license for 3 mths he drove my kids to daycare and collected them (this had to have been shitful). He found a book I'd been wanting and bought it for me (not as a birthday gift or christmas gift). We have matching 'Mighty Goat Mods' tees that he ordered because they were limited print shirts.
I really could continue but I believe I've proved my point to myself, I WAS NOT JUST A ROOT to him. My primary school motto was 'Deeds not Words' - seems poignant.
Once upon a time I thought he was truly the best person I had ever met, I adored him. I was his biggest cheerleader and if necessary I'd stand up for him and fight. He's obliterated that sentiment, taken away those feelings.
He hurt me but... I will truly be okay.
After 2 years living together and 3 together, Old Mate declared that I was "just a root", he understands why my ex hit me and he doesn't need the little ones calling him to say goodnight.
On the dark days when my heart starts to ache I want to remember that: The clothes he wears (socks, undies, shorts, shirts) - I bought. The job he and his bud have - I got for him. When he blew a fuse (multiple times) at his employment agency - I smoothed it over. When his mother gets sick - I take her to to the doctors, call the ambulance, spend hours waiting for prescriptions. It was me who did his washing, squeezed his pimples and dug out his ingrown hairs (even though these two things super grossed me out). I've spent hundreds of dollars on cigarettes, even though I don't smoke. I've paid for RC cars, collected shit from Supa Cheap and delivered them to him at work. It was tax time when he wanted a motorbike, he didn't have the money but if I loaned it to him he'd get his tax sorted and I'd have the money back so I used a chunk of my own tax money to pay for not just the bike but to put petrol in his niece's ute as that was required to move the bike to our home and then his own wagon (which I drove home) needed petrol as well. Almost two years later, I'm still waiting on the return of that money. Honestly, the list is endless.
I was just a root...
He called and text me several times a day for hours on end before we even discussed sex - niether of us was sure.
I was just a root...
I bought my Superhero an Xbox and being technologically retarded I had no clue that the original console was obsolete, I couldn't find games anywhere. That night was the first time we met in person, he drove all the way down to my home to drop off a "couple" of games (there was 22). We were together for not even 5 minutes, he had his mate with him and he needed to go. Less than an hour later he rang, we talked for hours.
I was just a root...
My naughty 2 yr old climbed onto the kitchen bench whilst I was on the toilet, he grabbed the multipurpose spray and showered his baby sister. She was 6 mths old, it caused her eyes to glue closed and she was in tremendous pain. He frequently text to make sure we were ok and offered to come to the hospital. That night as we talked for hours I repeated how frightened I had been. Around 3am he suggested I let him in my gate. He had driven down with a movie I'd been wanting to watch. We "mucked around" (no sex) and the little ones eventually woke up. He chatted with The Slayer and tickled The Birthday Thief. On his way home he rang, we talked for hours.
I was just a root...
The next time I saw him was again at sparrow's fart. I had difficulty weaning baby girl, she was vicious and breastfeeding had become a painful experience - I tried many things but ultimately she was to begin daycare. I was nervous and felt sick, my little baby - how could I dessert her so soon? He showed up at almost 4:30am, we napped together until the kids woke then he insisted on coming to daycare drop-off. When I returned, in tears, to my car he took my car keys and drove me home. He spent the entire day with me then came to daycare pick-up.
I was just a root...
When my new/old car completely shit itself and my friend, Sal, came to collect us I had my first alcoholic drinks since before I was pregnant with The Slayer. I was distraught, I honestly believe a reliable car is a single mum's necessity. I was 2 bottles of moscato down before I realised Sneaky Sal wasn't drinking at all. She had decided she was having the little ones overnight. Old Mate drove down to collect me so I could spend the night at his house. By the time he arrived I was the otherside of drunk, I threw up in his car. I threw up at his friend's house. I threw up at his house. Not once did he grumble or make me feel bad, not even when I threw up on him. In fact the next morning he drove me to Newcastle and helped me buy another car.
I was just a root...
For the Birthday Thief's first birthday she and I were both sick with the flu. I had brought her one of those little tykes car things and really wanted it to be together when she woke up. Being a sick single mum is difficult, I was determined. I baked her a cake and that drained my energy, by the time I got to the car I was an emotional wreck. A friend promised to bring tools but didn't show up. Old Mate and I talked on the phone. I was teary. I fell asleep on the lounge. At 2am on my 35th birthday I awoke to my hair being ruffled, I opened my eyes and he was standing there. He had come down to put the car together before babygirl got up, he'd stopped to get me a big can of V on his way. He put the car together and left.
I was just a root...
The night of our birthday he returned with another movie I wanted to watch, one he really didn't want to watch - Sharknado. We lay on the lounge together.
I was just a root...
When my eldest graduated 6th grade he came with me to the ceremony because my ex was being difficult - being amongst a mass of people is not something Old Mate deals with well.
I was just a root...
During these 3 years we went to see; TOFOP, Wil Anderson twice, The Dollop three times, Dave Anthony and Ben Harper and were pierced by Joeltron - being amongst a mass of people is not something Old Mate deals with well.
I was just a root...
When my "mother" tried to cause me drama he stepped in so that I wouldn't have to go anywhere near her.
I was just a root...
When my Pop passed away he drove me to the funeral and sat through the service even though he hadn't met that part of my family.
I was just a root...
When I was violently ill with the rotovirus he cleaned up my puke, helped me shower and cooked my babes dinner. When I lost my license for 3 mths he drove my kids to daycare and collected them (this had to have been shitful). He found a book I'd been wanting and bought it for me (not as a birthday gift or christmas gift). We have matching 'Mighty Goat Mods' tees that he ordered because they were limited print shirts.
I really could continue but I believe I've proved my point to myself, I WAS NOT JUST A ROOT to him. My primary school motto was 'Deeds not Words' - seems poignant.
Once upon a time I thought he was truly the best person I had ever met, I adored him. I was his biggest cheerleader and if necessary I'd stand up for him and fight. He's obliterated that sentiment, taken away those feelings.
He hurt me but... I will truly be okay.