Does your head ever get so completely out of control that you wind up totally exhausted and almost friendless? Sometimes mine does and recently it has been but before we chatter between us about me let's talk about you and one of my loves.
At the end of the day, when it's time to go to sleep - what is it that you believe in? Do you believe in religion? Spirituality? God? Allah? What? Is there a Heaven? A Hell? What happens when we die?
My beautiful friend is watching her brother be defeated by cancer, I imagine it is one of the worst things she will ever experience. He is now questioning what lies beyond? Will he be infinite? I guess that she wants to find something that makes sense to her too, a way for her to hold on to her brother. Tonight we shared text messages for hours and it made me really consider where my beliefs lie.
I do not believe in religion or God, I don't believe there's a magic man who is going to 'save' us. I truly believe this stuff is poison, harmful to the weakened mind. What I believe in is this, right now I am here breathing. I am typing. I am telling stories about my life and you are reading them. That is it. My darling is watching her brother dying and it's horrible and fucked up but guess what? For right now, he is still here. He is still alive. I believe that there are a collection of moments in our life that are truly awesome and some that kick our arse and if we can try and find the tiny little things that make us feel a little bit good then we're doing alright.
I cannot tell her to be strong because I don't think she needs to be. I think it's ok for her to fall down, to submit to a great depression that is on it's way to overwhelm her. I can't console her, I can't help her but I love her. I don't want her to hurt. I know that slowly she'll get up, slowly she'll experience her own life again and one day it won't hurt so bad.
She will look at her daughter and see pieces of her brother there, she'll look at her parents and there he is again. She will watch her niece grow up and experience her life and there will be her bro. He is infinite, we all are. His blood will go on and characteristics of who he is, the same for her the same for me.
Annnnnnd, whassup with me???
Oh a whole collection of things but mostly it's my hormones causing chaos throughout my body. A combination of the merina I had installed a year ago, the polycystic ovaries I've housed most of my life and an increase in my medication. I've recently experienced feelings of incredible sadness, tears flowing non stop. Incredible anger that induces headaches. An overwhelming sense of loneliness and suffocation. I've driven those who care about me almost right over the edge but I'm trying... I've visited the Doc, had my meds revised and next week I'm getting tests done for diabetes... The purpose of this blog then changes. It's now about embracing who you are not what you look like. It's about standing up for women in domestic violence situations. It's about taking the shame away from mental illness and it's about the challenges of diabetes... I'm exhausted, how about you?
At the end of the day, when it's time to go to sleep - what is it that you believe in? Do you believe in religion? Spirituality? God? Allah? What? Is there a Heaven? A Hell? What happens when we die?
My beautiful friend is watching her brother be defeated by cancer, I imagine it is one of the worst things she will ever experience. He is now questioning what lies beyond? Will he be infinite? I guess that she wants to find something that makes sense to her too, a way for her to hold on to her brother. Tonight we shared text messages for hours and it made me really consider where my beliefs lie.
I do not believe in religion or God, I don't believe there's a magic man who is going to 'save' us. I truly believe this stuff is poison, harmful to the weakened mind. What I believe in is this, right now I am here breathing. I am typing. I am telling stories about my life and you are reading them. That is it. My darling is watching her brother dying and it's horrible and fucked up but guess what? For right now, he is still here. He is still alive. I believe that there are a collection of moments in our life that are truly awesome and some that kick our arse and if we can try and find the tiny little things that make us feel a little bit good then we're doing alright.
I cannot tell her to be strong because I don't think she needs to be. I think it's ok for her to fall down, to submit to a great depression that is on it's way to overwhelm her. I can't console her, I can't help her but I love her. I don't want her to hurt. I know that slowly she'll get up, slowly she'll experience her own life again and one day it won't hurt so bad.
She will look at her daughter and see pieces of her brother there, she'll look at her parents and there he is again. She will watch her niece grow up and experience her life and there will be her bro. He is infinite, we all are. His blood will go on and characteristics of who he is, the same for her the same for me.
Annnnnnd, whassup with me???
Oh a whole collection of things but mostly it's my hormones causing chaos throughout my body. A combination of the merina I had installed a year ago, the polycystic ovaries I've housed most of my life and an increase in my medication. I've recently experienced feelings of incredible sadness, tears flowing non stop. Incredible anger that induces headaches. An overwhelming sense of loneliness and suffocation. I've driven those who care about me almost right over the edge but I'm trying... I've visited the Doc, had my meds revised and next week I'm getting tests done for diabetes... The purpose of this blog then changes. It's now about embracing who you are not what you look like. It's about standing up for women in domestic violence situations. It's about taking the shame away from mental illness and it's about the challenges of diabetes... I'm exhausted, how about you?